Episode 157 Transcript

Heather Porter (00:08.92)

Hey Rebels, welcome back to episode 157. I remember back in the day when I used to manage crew, like the volunteer crew for Tony Robbins. So for a few events over in Australasia when I moved to Australia, that's what I would do. And I remember being at this event and I was managing these volunteers and I was extremely frustrated because I would give them something to do.

 

And they seem to say, yeah, okay, I got it clear. And like, I really thought they understood a lot of the people I was delegating information to, but yet things did not get done. Literally it was like, yes, Heather, no worries. Off they would go and then it wouldn't get done. And so was thinking like, how can I communicate better? What am I doing wrong? What's going on here? Why do people not?

 

understand what I'm trying to tell them. So one of my team members, I remember at the event sort of felt my frustration and she came out to me and she's like, here's the deal, Heather. What you should do is you should say the thing that you want and then you should ask the person to repeat it back to you. But do we really need to do this every single time? Do we actually have to say

 

here's a conversation, here's what I need and repeat it back to me. Do we actually have to do that? Or maybe do we have to do with important things? Who knows? You see, lately I've been noticing something that's happening. And it made me think of this time in my life when I used to run the crew. And I feel like people's listening skills are declining. We're distracted, right? We're multitasking, we're half in, half out of conversations.

 

We're checking our phones. We're already thinking about what we're going to say next. Even before it's been said in the conversation, right? Why is this happening you guys? And at what cost? In this episode, I want to talk about it a little bit with you. There's a quote that I love that says, most people do not listen with the intent to understand.

 

Heather Porter (02:35.192)

They listen with the intent to reply. As business owners, when we need to delegate and train people all the time, you can notice yourself being frustrated because you feel like your team is maybe not 100 % getting you or listening to you. You might see a nodding head. You might ask them to do something. And then five minutes later, they come back to you and say, what did you say?

 

Or they agree and say, yep, no worries. I'm on it. And then they go off and don't do it as per the conversation. I don't know if you guys can relate with this or not. Perhaps you can. And I don't know who needs to hear this today either. But if you're frustrated by people not paying attention to what you're saying, or even if you've noticed this sort of habit,

 

creeping into your own life, maybe you're sensing that you're not picking up on things in the way you used to or you want to, you are absolutely not alone. We are lived in a world designed to pull our attention in a gazillion different directions, notifications, multitasking, deadlines, constant, constant, constant noise. But here's the thing. Real connection cannot happen without real.

 

listening. When you're present with someone, really, really, really present, something absolutely shifts. People feel seen, they feel heard, and they feel valued. You build trust, you build depth, and you create this space for true vulnerability and connection. And this isn't about our friendships or our relationships. This

 

strongly definitely matters in business as well, in leadership, in sales, in customer service. One of the biggest ways I think to stand out right now is simply by being a person that listens. So today I would like to challenge us to practice active listening. And here are a few shifts that might actually help you.

 

Heather Porter (04:52.778)

And also note, you can pass this on to your team too. Number one, in a conversation with somebody, put the phone down, put it face down so all the noise bells and whistles are not constantly coming up on the screen. Even better, pop the phone out of sight during conversations, whether it's on a Zoom conversation or in-person conversation. The next thing is to let people finish.

 

You will probably notice the urge to jump in or finish other people's sentences, but instead hold space, allow them to complete what they're going to say. Next, reflect back what you've heard. So yes, this does sort of bring me back to what I was saying before at the events that I ran. You could literally be as simple as this. So what I'm hearing is this.

 

It shows that you are listening to somebody to essentially repeat back in a way that is gonna help and make sense.

 

Next, shortened response, right? So if you're getting back to somebody or even if you're just sending communications to somebody, can you simplify it a little bit? Whether that's an email or a text, just clear, concise sentences because you know on the other end of the receiving end of that, you're probably dealing with somebody that's having challenges listening, right? We're distracted. So how can you make it easier as well?

 

for the person to listen to what you're saying. And lastly, be curious and not rushed. Ask that one more question before moving on. Stay a little longer in the moment that you're in. These small things absolutely add up, you guys. And honestly, listening is one of the absolute best, best, best gifts that we can give someone in a very noisy, distracted world. Presence, I believe, feels like love.

 

Heather Porter (06:58.602)

It's respect and it's a really, really powerful thing that you can offer for somebody, whether that's your boss, colleague, just a relationship, sister, loved one in your life, anyone. So my challenge for you this week, notice when you're not listening and then practice presence anyway, whether you're talking to your partner, your team, a client, a friend,

 

Be the person that actually listens. And because people don't forget how you made them feel, it's unforgettable, right? And being heard makes you feel supported and loved. You guys, thank you so much for hanging out with me today. If this resonated with you at all, share it with a team member, a friend, family, somebody that could maybe either go, yes, that's me. my gosh, I'm struggling with this.

 

thing of being heard and helping people hear what I'm saying or if you have somebody in your life that might just need to hear these tips on how to be a better listener, spread it. And let's be honest, I think all of us could learn how to be a better listener and also a better communicator. So hopefully that helps. Thank you so much for tuning in and I'll talk to you guys very, very soon.